A couple great weekends!!

It has been a great couple weekends lately with the family. Chris and I got out for the evening to Ra Sushi downtown for Lisa's Bday. It was a great time and nice to get out. We also took the kids to the pumpkin patch of which was another hot October out there. The boys wedged themselves between many a pumpkin before deciding on the lumpy one Cameron liked. Cameron got bit by a turkey they had there as well. Ah the fun! Work is busy but days fly by and already conferences will be upon us. New report cards so teachers are stressing about having evidence to prove their grades....isn't that always what we have done? This past weekend I actually made it to the gym on Friday again-always feels better but doesn't happen as it should! Saturday and Sunday were fairly lazy and nice. We went to beach and dinner-beautiful night....today we went to Gordon's and had a nice dinner with family. Off to watch Entourage and off to bed. This Friday is Halloween so am sure will be crazy week!

October arrives

As my body felt like I was run over by a Mack Truck last Friday I came to realize that a 70% contract as a teacher is far from feeling like you are 70%. It would be easier to either be at home full time or work full time. Seeing as my paycheck runs directly back into daycare the minute I get it I am puzzled why I am back at work most days!
I have missed blogging about all things cute and funny lately the boys have done or said.....always thinking I will be on top of things and forget as weeks fly by to record them. Cameron asked me the other day, "mommy why does daddy always have to talk about work?" And I said because that is what he does all day and he said "that's not very exciting!" From the mouth of babes. At least he gets it now early on.
My grandfather passes away this past week and his funeral was last Friday. I was the only grandchild for first 10 yrs on my mom's side so it was hard to not be there for it. More so for my mom but know it would have been good to go. Getting a flight and dragging boys solo with me after cost and stress of it all I opted to forgo. I will try and get them out there in the next year. I cannot imagine what it is like to lose a parent. With a grandparent it is hard and especially if you are close but nothing like a parent I imagine. There must be a void you feel that can never be filled.

August 2008 was busy! We took our family vacation with my dad to our friend Lexy Parker's family ranch Wyntoon. This was the Hearst Family Ranch-she is a descendant of William Randolph himself. I cannot begin to explain the experience-no words or even pictures does it justice. It was beautiful and held so much history. Such a fairytale experience and we were lucky to get the chance.
I had a week before I had to go back to work upon return and we then headed again to Big Bear as the Parker's have a house there. We hung out at the house, went out to eat and had a bbq.
I returned to work 70% contract sharing with another girl. It has been hectic and I am feeling like it is more than 70% but I need to know when to say when and hope I make it a habit. The boys are both going to school M-F-I get Kieren early most days and then go back and get Cameron later as he likes to stay and play. Cameron is now 4 and loves school and friends. Kieren is now 1 and had no problems getting into school mode-loves it and they love him there. They say he is the happiest baby they have seen. He is attempting to stand and wobbling and falling but taking some steps and gets the occasional battle wounds to show for it. They do the funniest things or say them and from lagging on the blog I forget them with my memory so I am trying to get back into it here again.

Did I say I wished time could slow down? Well warp speed has taken over instead! I guess denial in going back to work can do that! We have packed lots into a month. Fourth of July My parents came down. Chris and I took a bike ride down to beach and had some margaritas...then we spent it at our friend Chris's new house. He is a buddy (my) Chris grew up with in Orange Co.. We spent last 4th with him too. He sometimes comes here and spends New Years or whatever with us. We bbq'd, Cameron got to follow around Chris's son Troy and his daughter Tory-skateboarding...videogames...running....we watched the fireworks from the view from his house...hard to see very close-but was nice night. My parents were nice enough to keep Kieren at our house.
We had tickets as a gift to The Pageant of the Masters in Laguna again this year compliments of Gordon's. We met Tony and Heather at Gordon's and hung out-left kids with grandma/pa and headed out. We walked around beach area then got a few drinks with dinner. The show was good-it is different every year. I liked last years the best so far...more interactive.
We attended our friends sons baptism. Got some cute pics of Cam and Colin in church...they look like trouble! The walls didn't crumble. I told Cameron I would take him to church anytime he wanted. He has been a couple times with G/G Gordon but said it was boring. Of course it would be to a 3 yr old. We went to a restaurant after-I think I chased Cam around more than I ate but it was nice.
Cameron, Kieren and I all went to a dentist appointment. I am so glad that right now I somehow manage to have the whole crew on appt's and it works out somehow! I am sure it will get crazier! Cam and I checked out great! Cam got his prize and we were out the door. Same day Chris and I took Landon and we all went to the Del Mar races. Got our $2 bets and drink on! Met Noah and fiance' Katie there and afterwards got dinner at Bangkok Bai-great thai restaurant!
Then most important event..Cameron's bday! Thursday, July 31st Cameron Grant turned 4! We had my parents down, Chris's mom, Tony his brother and his fiance' Heather and bbq'd, pinata-which Cam was only one to do it..poor arms almost fell off, cake, presents....I was tired! Then Saturday we had a Pump it Up Bday at a bouncey place with 11 buddies and their parents. They had a blast!

July 2008

I haven't blogged in weeks and feel a bit out of touch. I had months still before returning to work and now I am feeling it creep upon me slowly. I know a part of it will be good but another I will miss being home...even on the most challenging days. Sometimes losing Zion, it feels like yesterday and sometimes a lifetime ago......things have been such a blur. I hope time can at least seem to slow down. Cameron will be 4 already end of the month. He was Kieren's age when we moved here-just a toddler. Remember when we small summers seemed to last a lifetime...life is a crazy ride. Some events that have happened already this month.....

The Loving Thoughts Keep Coming.....

I am so impressed and at the same time touched by our Zi's Dr./staff at California Veterinary Specialists Angel Care Cancer Center. It is an amazing place with people who absolutely love animals and want to do everything possible to help them live the longest, happiest lives possible..even with that evil Cancer.

I had only been a couple times as I said...Chris normally took Zion but the way they interacted with him and were affected by him it proved he had been the luckiest dog to recieve help with them. They refer to the dogs as kids. They are there to speak to anytime at the drop of a hat and are there for you to come in anytime as well. Unfortunately my visits ..each one had been for the saddest ones-but these were the times I needed people like this around me.

I cannot thank them enough for their kindness and love to Zion and the total respect for his last moments with us and wanting to say goodbyes. I know they become numb to the events such as ours to some extent but they told me that Zion was one they got attatched to and that he won over their hearts. They said they are sorry they were unable to do more for him.....are they kidding?! Do they realize they gave us the best gift they could have...we got almost 7 more happy months with him....a gift to him and us. He wouldn't have made it that first month unless we had taken him there.....we made the mistake of going to Bancroft and the inexperience and lack of attention to details almost cost us this time we were given.

So I hold the utmost respect and gratitude to them. Hopefully we can get Zion's pic in a frame and a card to express this. They even sent a letter today. Awesome. What more can I say! David Proulx and team go above and beyond and am so thankful to them.

Peaceful Paws

We chose to have Zion cremated through Peaceful Paws. I knew that the Vet Hospital would call to let us know he was ready to be picked up. I guess Chris got the call yesterday. I didn't know though and he came walking through the door holding a wooden box and paw print. I looked at what remained of our dog and more tears. I can't get over how heavy the box was. Our 90lb dog sure was heavy even now. Weird how a week ago he was here with us and big as life and now I have a box that while small is heavy as can be. I think Cameron will just keep his memories of doggie heaven as trying to explain cremation is a little advanced. I am not sure what we are going to do with his ashes yet. In some weird way it is comforting having him somehow with us. I also know all the places he loved...Grape Street Park was where he grew up-best dog park in San Diego, then Coronado dog beach-the nicest and biggest area at beach for dogs, and the million walks around our neighborhood now. Any of them would hold meaning. For now just going to let this too sink in and I guess it is just another adjustment......

Coming to Terms

Like the title, I am coming to terms with the realization that Zion is no longer with us. I was preparing myself to accept it weeks before he was gone in a way. In the past day or two I have cried less but not because I have less love and want for him to be with us.....just more a sense of acceptance of what will be. The slightest things can trigger tears to well up in my eyes....a knowing look followed by the question, "how are you doing?"....then I am surprised to find the emotion that follows it.

I still tend to find myself impatient with those around me....like they should know what has happened and understand to what depths it has hurt me/us he is gone....or that my son at 3 should not act like a spoiled brat at times and know what degree I am feeling this loss. But how could he? So I take a step back and realize that and take a breath and let it go. Coming to terms with things can sure suck.

P.S.
What doesn't suck it the close friends and family that have been supportive. Friends that will get you good tequila to get you through a tough week-that is true friendship! I love you guys!

Distractions

I guess you can say we are lucky to have two boys that force you to keep moving on with life even when you don't feel like it. I resented having to deal with anything more than the loss of Zion at first. But now I feel lucky to have two beautiful, albeit crazy lil boys and a great husband to lift my spirits and remember the good memories with Zion.

Cameron has the best outlook and he should after hearing all about what dog heaven allows Zion to do and have. I know Zion would want everyone happy and sulking all day would only worry him as it always did.

So with our goodbye to him Wednesday the next day we took the boys to the fair as we had originally planned. We all needed it. Getting out of the house is almost easier. It is the quiet of the house, yes quiet even with the uproar of 2 little boys, that gets to me the most. I can still smell Zion here and there and I am left to stare at a plant his dr.'s sent (of which he had the most amazing dr.'s) and his collar. It is the greetings and happy butt wiggle when we arrived no matter how short we were gone that I miss. So mornings and afternoons keeping busy works well....nights get harder. The fair was fun. We met some other friends of which who have also lost a couple dogs in the last year. Nice when people understand...so after a million rides and even a beer break we stopped and got a nice lunch on way home.

We also decided that we would go to the beach Saturday..so Chris packed a loadful of junk we needed and we spent the day enjoying the water. Cameron boogieboarded, Chris surfed, Kieren ate some sand....all was good.

Sunday we headed to the Gordon's (gma/pa) It was their 40th wedding anniv.! They bbq'd and we all went into the swimming pool. Nice to be with them. I guess at times like these you really realize how great friends and family are and those that are there for you and understand stand out. It is still hard not having Zi here but I can smile when I talk about him and that feels good.

Zion in our Hearts Forever!

This is a post I did on a separate blog about Zion...trying to decide if I will incorporate it here since he is our family or keep it separate. Until then this is the sad turn of events......

I had this written and had to go back to preface this entry with a little explanation. If you are reading this and are not a dog owner or even a pet lover then it may become what may seem dramatic and silly to you even. But for us it is real and raw and a true emotion from me as I write it. The words are really just pouring out and I am typing as fast as I can to catch it all in print. Zion was more than a dog. He will mean more to us than most people in our lives. I don't think you got to this site unless you were a trusted friend or love dogs and if you are just curious I would hope that after reading this you can gain a deeper insight of just how much a dog adds to your life and even with the heart wrenching goodbyes you choose them or they choose you willingly. Unconditional love at it's finest. I am writing this in tribute to Zion's memory and for him choosing us for his parents. He will be missed and never forgotten.

I sit here 2 days after saying goodbye to our sweet boy Zion. He was our first baby and love. Zion is our 90lbs of love boxer....I am even typing "is" as I cannot believe he is gone. I cannot even describe the amount of love we have for him. It was the hardest thing I have been through....I can't speak for Chris but I am going to say probably so as well.

Zion was diagnosed with lymphoma (a type of cancer) on my birthday last year in November of 2007. After seeking out options we decided to put him through chemo treatments. We said that as long as he was himself that we would continue as long as he was happy. We wanted to do whatever we could for him since he had given us so much through out the years. He did so amazing. If he ever felt bad we sure couldn't tell aside from a little nausea.

6 months passed and a month out of chemo he began to show signs of what we noticed before....no appetite, drinking more water, urinating more. I took him into the vet. Chris had always taken him as we have the 2 boys at home and was hard for me to make the trips with them all. On this occasion though I said I could do it. I was upset and I guess deep down knew the news I was about to get. Sitting in the waiting room you almost wish you could stop time but no faster than you knew it after blood work and a chest x-ray there was a mass found near his heart. So ironic that of all places to come back it was around his heart which funnier enough was abnormally large for him...what does that tell you about how much love that dog was filled with? I cried and cried and hated hearing that f-ing evil word cancer. How can a dog so good deserve this? He gave so much and is such an unfair outcome. I cried the most because I knew that the Prednisone he was giving us to give him was more of a gift of time...that those little white pills I would have to sneak into his food would give us a week or so to love, spoil, and say our goodbyes in our own way. How are you supposed to feel about that? Lucky? Fortunate? Especially when he still has the spark in his eyes and the playfulness and love he always has? It might be easier to deal with something sudden...to see some drastic malfunction...but instead he remained this heap of 90lb love that was our family.

Just like the chemo, you start to live in a state of denial...you feel good because he appears to feel good and you try to block out the reality of things. But this time I tried to be happy when he was happy as he has always be so in tuned to every emotion. He always knew when you were upset and would come next to you to console you....now it was my time to do that for him-but then I would cry and in an instant who would lick my tears away?...My Zion. So selfless and so loving.

I wanted to shove everything into a week I could that was good for him as I didn't know when I wouldn't be able to anymore. Unhealthy as it was I didn't want to leave the house or if I did I wanted him with us. I felt like if I lost a minute of time I would regret it. It would be a minute I didn't get to be with him, hold him, feel his breathing. I was trying to take every bit of him in even though I knew him so well head to toe because when he was gone I wouldn't have it anymore. I took him to the park and took video and pics of him. We layed on the blanket together and I kept snapping frame after frame thinking it was one way to keep him with me forever and if I had enough pictures it would make everything okay. But it doesn't. I have heard people say the hardest thing about losing anyone/thing is that you can't hear them, touch them, ...and that couldn't be more true.

I took Zion to the groomer who upon hearing the situation was happy to get him in and spoiled him with dog treats. I wanted him to feel clean, good, ..nails clipped. Anything to give him any boost in his day or to help how lousy he was feeling. They said it was like a flu...not painful ...just feel rotten. Well how is that good? We know what the flu feels like-awful. We got him so many treats....and even steaks. I wondered what he must think...does he know? I think he did. He and Chris would do their nightly walks. I would take him that last week and a half out earlier sometimes as I knew he wanted to be out.

Then the dreaded morning came that he didn't want to eat his soft food...didn't want his morning treats that were a ritual he wouldn't let you forget, and he seemed more lethargic. The spark in his eyes were more glossed over and again being in denial I thought if I took him for a walk he will want to eat again like before. Funny how even then you try to talk yourself into how you can make it all better. I decided seeing as he seemed slower I would just take him out back but he seemed hell bent on wanting to go for a walk. I left him off the leash and followed his lead. As we were walking I wondered if it was good to go on such a long walk for him but he persisted. I couldn't believe the spunk he had in him...he ran around...sniffed things...chased some lizards and bunnies, harassed two dogs and even did one of his famous Zion burnouts. I was shocked at his energy level and Zion-like personality that exuded from him and at the same time it was like he was taking in each little thing one last time knowing it would be the last chance to do so. So was I. As we approached home he had a little water and layed down in the living room which is where he wanted to stay for awhile.

Cameron was at school and we just had Kieren who was napping. Chris took the day off. I called Chris the day before because after watching him almost a week and a half I felt him slowing down and I guess was deep down knowing time was limited..and asked if he had a late meeting and cried not wanting Zion to have to feel awful. I felt like I had become so intolerant with everyone around me...angry at them, at the world...at the cancer. We both knew things were about to take a turn. Chris decided to take off several days. He didn't get several days as we both looked at him lying there and neither of us wanted to say the words out loud but we knew this was that line of being brave for the sake of Zion and letting him go or keeping him with us for even one more day for our own selfishness. We knew that we had always decided the minute there was a change and he was not happy we would let him go.

In hindsight the day before I had read that dogs hang on far longer than they want to for the sake of their owners happiness and I knew that to be true of Zion-it is exactly what he would do for us even if he was miserable. I talked to him that day before as he lay there and told him how good he was, how he had done so good and that if he needed to go that it was okay and that we love him and want him to feel better...and I cried and that is when he licked away my tears. I drove down by the beach and looked out into the water and prayed for Zion....and to get some sign for when it was time. I may not go to church every Sunday but I believe myself to be spiritual and I don't think that there were rules to how I asked for answers at a time like this.


Now on the next day it was almost like he was telling us it was time to go. There was no more licking away the tears and that was when I really knew. If you saw him that day he was always as beautiful as ever...barely any gray hair, muscle body even if big, big chocolate brown eyes, and that long tongue...he walked out to the car for the final car ride. We took Kieren to a friends house and we made the quiet ride to the vet hospital. It felt like you wanted a red light to stop you forever but of course the days you actually want that you get greens right away. Chris helped him out of the car and he still had energy to even pull on the leash and walk in...which is hard to see him do so. The minute we got in the private room he layed down on the cold flooring instead of the blanket. We put the blanket under his head and cried and talked to him about good memories, that it was okay, how good he was, that mommy and daddy loved him, that we would miss him but see him again someday, that there would be people and dog buddies waiting for him, that he would be at peace and feel better....god what are you supposed to say??...it was ripping the biggest hole from my heart and there was nothing I could say or do to stop it. Making it okay for him was what had to come first. His techs and vet all were there with him to say goodbye and while we put him to sleep....I don't know why we say put him to sleep other than it sounds better ...anyway as they were going to put in the stuff to make him relax he did lift his head but relaxed soon after...he was surrounded by us and those that had loved him there as well the last 6 months and I am sure was use to being poked and prodded. It was hard to see the dr and techs upset too-it really showed how amazing he is to touch so many people....not all dogs do and they had grown an attatchment to him. I didn't even know "it" had happened until the vet /dr. put the stethoscope to his chest and gently and quietly told us he was gone. GONE?! GONE?! NOOOOO!! I broke down and held Zion and tried placing my hands over his eyes to close them further. I know he was feeling awful but he seemed so detatched in those final moments...he barely moved...there were no licks. We went as far as humanly possible to extend his life...the money didn't matter to us...the time/trips/pills didn't matter...he mattered....he was everything to us and no matter what else we did that f-ing cancer was back and there wasn't anything we could do to stop it. There was a small sense of relief for him as we all four quietly stared numbly at Zion. Chris and I were on the same page and we knew this was the moment that was meant to say goodbye...it wasn't a day sooner or a day later it was then.

I hated that Wednesday. I hated having to await a call in a week telling us that his ashes and footprint were ready to be picked up. That box while it contains his remains which mean so much of course...it isn't him. It is the memory of him-what is left. For those who think dogs have no souls well then you haven't met Zion. I want to believe there is a doggy heaven...open grass fields, oceans to swim in, dog toys and treats, and all the loved ones that have passed on there to be with him. I hated that I had to still go pick up our lil 9 month old and later our 3 1/2 yr old and explain why Zi wouldn't be obnoxiously greeting us at the door anymore with wet, sloppy kisses. Or why he wouldn't be shaking his ears in the morning to wake Cameron up so he could get some food (he always knew it was a good tactic), or why Cameron wouldn't be able to taunt him with morning treats and throw them across the room, or why we couldn't leave crumbs on the couch or drop food on floor because he wouldn't be there to lick them up, or why Kieren wouln't get the lickdowns he sought out across the head that made him laugh, or that Kieren couldn't drag himself over to him to poke at his tail, or why there wouldn't be as many walks around the neighborhood or at least for some time, or why the dog toys and dog bed were put away that very day in the garage and the house from this moment on just got a lot bigger, emptier and lonelier...and the list goes on.

After Cameron got home there have been moments I have lost it. I know he is 3 and he seems pretty resilient and I then long to be 3 as well. I know it will be all the things I just mentioned as the days go by that he will be surprised to miss and it will come and go. Maybe that needs to be a lesson to me on how to handle all this but my heart is to invested and aches far too much and there is no changing that. Instead I am here left to answer things about doggie heaven and what Zion is doing and who is with him. So I tell him what it is like and how I hope and imagine it to be with every good thing I can think of as if my saying these words will make it all true. I am left to cry more when Cameron says Zion can take an airplane and see us, or can we watch Zion fly and he says it so matter of fact and with such innocence I want to be 3 and watch it happen. But instead...some good moments then more tears and more comments from my son: "mommy you have your sad face today again"..."that's okay mommy, we can still look at his pictures and see him"...these are the moments I lose it.

I sit here 2 days later finally without distractions...I hurt inside but feel I need to capture all of this emotion and moments of the last week and a half. We will always love Zion. He had a way about him that is so unique. Like Chris said...even when people who came over that weren't fans of dogs..he would do everything in his power to try and win them over by the time they walked out our door and more times over not he won. He was our first baby, our best friend, our love, our ZiZi and there will never be another Zizi.

I asked everyone not to send me emails of "they are sorry etc..'it only makes me more depressed. Some have anyway and I cry more when they are so sweet...I know the saying time will make it easier....what do you do til then??....when will the "time" be that my heart isn't missing a piece of it (I really think it was meant to go with him) and that I can breathe again? I though I would breathe easier when he was at peace and you know I did...now all the memories and this house remind me of him every second I turn around and the tightness in my chest starts again. That saying "you don't know what you have til it's gone.".....well I did know what I had all along and now that it is gone it hurts that much more'...I would however ..take this pain over and over again if I had to do it all over again.

We love you Zion. It will be okay. I hope you are flying all over doggie heaven! XO Mommy



A few quotes I found:

God turns clouds inside out to make fluffy beds for the dogs in Dog Heaven, and when they are tired from running and barking and eating ham-sandwich biscuits, the dogs find a cloud bed for sleeping. God watches over each one of them. And there are no bad dreams.

Cynthia Rylant

I have sometimes thought of the final cause of dogs having such short lives and I am quite satisfied it is in compassion to the human race; for if we suffer so much in losing a dog after an acquaintance of ten or twelve years, what would it be if they were to live double that time?

Sir Walter Scott

May 2008

So I got a new Camera for Mother's day! So excited...it is smaller and like this blog I am sure I can do way more cool things with it yet haven't taken the time to read fine print. In time....

Kieren continues to be the happiest lil man and Cameron continues to be the best brother you could ask for...aside from "close talking" he is gentle and caring.

Cameron sure has bonded also with a good buddy from school and they are inseparable. On Tuesdays when home they try to see each other even then. It is so great to see him excited about his friends. Zadyn has a monster truck and Cameron loves to ride it so we often make the trip a block over to see them..oh yeah they are right near us too so is easy.

I took Cameron and Kieren to Bluebird Park-was a nice day for play and picnic. I had gotten Cameron a dinosaur book and thought he might like to go to Balboa Park and at one of the museums they have a dinosaur exhibit so we went there....he was pretty impressed but told me after "they sure didn't have enough dinosaur stuff!" Disneyland has forever ruined any other place...how do you top that!? We also went to the Museum of Man and saw skulls and mummy's which brought forth talk about death...always uplifting and yes I kept it light ha! We then trudged on to the Japanese Friendship Garden which is beautiful.....amazing bonsai's and a Koi pond where he got to feed the fish. Kieren was a gem the whole day and didn't complain once. It was a very nice day and Tuesday's there are always free museums.

Side note: I had a fleeting yet reoccurring thought that has been bothering me lately. I want to bring it to anyone's attention who may ever read this...please slow down in neigorhborhoods and check any blind spots when driving/backing up.....nearby a family just lost their beautiful, blonde blue eyed lil boy who was full of smiles and life to an accident where a neighbor ran him over and this was on a culdisac. I just came across another story where a man who adopted 3 children from China lost one of them when his teenage son backed up and ran her over in their own driveway with the other 2 witnessing it. I cannot even begin to imagine the torture one goes through losing a young child. So now that I have 2 of my own I drive a little slower and my eyes are always watching.....it only takes a second and these were amazing parents....not negligent in any way.....so those with or without kids-think about that.....I know we are always on the go and running late.....better to be late then live with something like this. Sorry but it really bothered me and I keep thinking of what they must be going through.

It is now almost the end of the month and upon catching up I see how I now need to adjust my blogging to days instead of months or keep notes and do it monthly. Forgive the chaos of me adding to this month as the days pass. It is the last week of May. Cameron and I were talking and I said,"Do you know how handsome you are?" And he said,"yes, really handsome!" and I said,"Oh so you know that already!" and he said, "yep!" I said who tells you you are handsome?" "mommy", he says. I said, Who else?" "no one!"....I don' t think I am biased even for being his mom....he is definetely a cutie. I told him "someday all the girls are going to say "oh Cameron I love your eyes and your long eyelashes" and he said...."nooo mom don't let them take me away!" Maybe he equates girls with taking him away from mom and dad.....marriage....now I know why guys can wait a lifetime to marry or not at all ha!

Chris and I got away for 2 nights in Santa Barbara Memorial Day Weekend. A weekend without kids...could it be real!? My parents got our kids somewhat forced on them this Memorial Day Weekend. There was a chance to getaway and we jumped on it. Chris brought up idea of heading to Santa Barbara. We have gone there for the day before while staying with my parents and enjoyed walking State St. and getting a beer and lunch but never stayed there. It has been longer than I can remember since we had gone anywhere more than one night so this was a treat. We got a wonderful room near Stearns Wharf. We checked into a quaint hotel a block from beach, antiquish style with small kitchen. They had bikes, beach towels, chairs, dvd rentals, you name it to use free of charge. They gave us a basket of goodies to boot. We decided to walk over to Stearns Wharf Pier. We went to Longboards because it has a patio outside over the water...nothing fancy at all but good view. We chatted up another couple from Northern California, mainly due to the fact they had an 8 month old and were apologetic for the noise and we let them know we were more than used to that! This lead to kid talk as it always does....For once we could say "we" were the ones who were kid free this weekend. Anyway...after that we walked the long pier of which Chris could not believe there were no fences or railings at the far end.....guess the drunks who'd fall off don't get that far?! It was a lil weird...kids could fall. We passed some touristy shops and museum and headed back towards State St. I had made the realization.....the painful realization that I had forgotten a restaurant/bar itinerary that had taken me far too long to put together at home. I had it detailed down to those voted the best...verified by comments/ratings...to the exact directions..to the price range.....kinda of irritating. Anyhow as we passed many streets I would recall the many but not to the degree I remembered which direction or what it was. We headed up Chapala St. trying to find a good happy hour place and passed by Chad's which was more of a dinner place...ended up after much walking at the Sandbar which was voted best happy hour...we enjoyed some drinks and headed back to room......we decided to go to a seafood restaurant nearby-Chris with his oysters, scallops and more and me with Mahi mahi. We enjoyed a night of uniterupted conversation and peace! The next morning we hunted and I mean hunted for one of my places....Jake's...we after about an hour of driving....found Jake's...not cottage like with a cute patio like I pictured but undoubtedly was a yummy meal. Thank goodness as the ambience was lacking and although relaxing the "live" music was questionable. ..but relaxing so I give it an A. We went back and decided that instead of driving or walking we would take advantage of bikes so we both got a couple crusiers and biked to the wharf...walked out to Sandspit Beach point, and biked along coast...they had put up hundreds of crosses in the sand in rememberance of those who have died for our country..I think we all forget it isn't just 3 day weekend but one that is/should be acknowledged more for the loss and bravery that those put forth while we go about our sightseeing and normalities of daily life. They apparently have voluteers that put the flags up and light them at night. We passed that and stopped off to check out crafts and Art that lined the coastal sidewalks. Nothing I saw that I needed and much of the crafts were a little to "crafty" for me and the jewelery just a tad to over the top for my taste but was fun to see and nice to just be outside. We decided to ride our bikes up to State St and go shop and find a present for Cameron for being "a good boy" for the weekend which had to be happening of course! We got him a puzzle at a local shop and decided whew we deserve a beer! We went to a local bar and had Hefferweisen and the Lakers to entertain us for a few hours. We got a chance to talk about Chris and buisness, old times, thoughts on whatever...people watch-was fun! We later got Steak at Holdren's....fyi med rare to them is rare....we ate it anyway but not best steak I have had. Being exhausted...free time, fresh air, beer, good food....too overpowering!! Had to sleep! Slept great that night...7:30am seemed like 11 am and we were up to Starbucks, breakfast at Cajun Kitchen....(voted best but Jakes was way better...wasn't a fan...was like any other ordinary place)....Off to pick the boys up...I am sure my parents were very happy that we took them off their hands....boy was it nice to just be together and relax. At least this time there was someone to waste away the hours.....Mother's Day I took 4 hours to myself while visiting my parents and it wasn't all that exciting alone.

April 2008 Padres, buddies, silliness

Well it was our first official trip to the Padre Game this year with the whole Gordon family of 4. Kieren of course was oblivious to the game, what with Cameron poking him and sticking his face into his.....We saw Julie/Chase and Carolyn/Charlie there for awhile so Cameron got to run like a wild man around the park....we rarely see much of the game but it is more the idea of it and the energy there.....thank god for $5 tickets and a grass hill to sit on. Always time to enjoy a beer at the game to-can't beat that.
Cameron continues his interest in Skateboarding and I feel bad to not take him to the parks.....with Kieren and Cameron's no fear attitude ...I am the one in fear! Fear I will have to rush a bloody mess to the dr. with Kieren in tow......these are the days I fight the guilt of having the second baby....slows down the 1st ...but it isn't like Cameron is lacking in attention and activity.
He also has really gotten into having a click of friends at school....and click is what I mean....I had to talk to him about letting others into the "group".....I don't think he will be shy like I was....who knows....He has a good buddy Zadyn and I would love them to get together more often sometimes but again it is with Kieren in tow and while it works out...can be tiring sometimes. So good to see him happy with buddies.
We went to Knott's Berry Farm for Colin's (another good buddy) Bday.....it was the hottest day yet. I made about 4 circles trying to park and find lexy and group (got separated once we got to park) and finally found everyone....Lexy lost her ring Gary had given her....off to good start.....we had lunch at Friday's and us adults had several cocktails....sure did lighten the mood after that and the kids being crazy sure didn't bother us after that ha!

March 2008 Parks, Brothers, Easter

I can happily say we did our 1st official trip to the happiest place on earth....yep Disneyland....I have wanted to take Cam there for so long! My parents watched Kieren so we could just take Cam and have a fun day. He was in his glory to be alone with us. I think it oretty much blew his mind. He was more scared of the kids rides which really now as an adult going on them I never realized how dark and scary they could be to kids.....witches, hell, etc....I think Snow White was his scariest ride.....and he went on the Matterhorn and Pirates of Carribean, haunted house...what does that tell you! He ran those lil legs around that park from the time it opened until 11 that night. I couldn't believe it....he woke up around 5:30am too. We watched parades and the fireworks show at night which is really cool. He was on his dad's shoulders and he said, "mom, I am ready to go home now!" So I knew he was tired! But he regained some energy on way out to pick out some souvenieers.....dad got his hat with his name on it just in time to see mickey and minne and score a photo opp! What a fun day!

On a sad note.....Brad brought Atlas (his dog who grew up with Zion) to our house. He hasn't been doing very well and Brad was takin him in Fri. to be put down. It is heart wrenching. I snapped some photos of him that day. Zion would always love Atlas and Atlas was like a dad to him....I am not sure if dogs know what is going on but I am glad he got the chance to see him even if he didn't know it would be a goodbye. So hard. I hope Brad realizes he IS doing the right thing. Hard to live with I know and I feel so bad for him. Zion has been doing well with Chemo treatments but hard to think of in the future going though it as well.

We had many Easter celebrations/hunts....met the girls at Aviara Park for a hunt. Had a hunt at home...still scarred from brutal hunt at public park a year ago. Then we went to Armstrong's for some more fun! I think the bunny was busy this year!

Last but not least I had 2 for 1 tickets from our day at Disney and me being a kid wanted to check out Ca Adventures so I took Cam and the 2 of us went. It was a great day-lots more shows .....there was an interactive show and Cameron talked to the turtle....lots of 3d shows, parades....rides....we went to a really good show "Aladdin" before we went home and I am so glad we waited for it...amazing show and Cameron loved it!